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The prerequisite for aproval for surgery. "Why did I have to come out so strongly?" she asks herself again angrily. "Must I come to group in heels and fishnet stockings to convince him that I have started transition?" It was so pathetic," Erica mutters as she thinks back to how she and her sister used to bath together as kids. At first it did not bother Erica that her thing was 'built-out' and not 'built-in' like her sister's. But when she learned that it was the thing that made her a boy, she hated it. It was like a wart - only bigger and uglier. Whenever she had a bath she would keep it wedged away so tightly behind her crossed legs until it felt like her legs would break off. How many times did she pray when going to bed that she would wake up as a girl again. But every morning, the thing was still there, mocking her.Then there was the day that she noticed that the thing had what looked like a seam along the bottom - or was it a scar? For a while she was convinced that. I needed to leave you both to find myself andmy inner peace which I have now found by submission to Allah. Once Itried to come back because I missed you but when your Dad saw me in mychador he said he would not have me "corrupt" you. But now you havedone your exams and have reached 18 your Dad agreed I could send for youand that you were old enough to decide for yourself whether to followIslam or not but right now we need to get going for evening prayers.Now before we go I want you to be next to me in the mosque so you feelat home but women and men are segregated so you will therefore need toput this on" Mum said, helping a chador over my head.....Wow, what had Mum just done to me? I thought, but she hadn't evenstooped yet. Mum set about my face. First she plucked my eyebrows thenshe stuck on false lashes before applying eyeshadow and mascara. By thetime she had finished I looked like any of my sisters in a chador.Wait, how was I starting to identify with Muslim women? Mum.
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